To the Society, with love.

There is no other simpler way to say it, I have lived a life for you,Society. I have looked at the mirror, seen myself thoroughly, through your eyes. I looked at the reflection of my body wrapped in your approval. I walk out with a free soul, in a tied body. I see you looking at me when I say something you don’t like to be said in public, I feel the weight of your scrutinizing gaze upon me. Wherever I go, whatever I do, I look at you for approval or applause. I feel good when you look at me with praise in your eyes, but I almost die when you abandon me. I need to impress you, I need to prove that I fit in, I try hard but you get harder. Every time I feel I am one of you, you turn me away and put me down.

I have tried to cut myself at places you said shouldn’t be the way they are. I hated myself at the places where I needed love. I stopped, I wasted away, I lost, I did as you say. But lately, I have been giving away, the ropes are down, I am burning them, one by one. I am letting myself grow, the way I feel right. Because, 20 years, has been a long time, enough to realize that it is my life, my body, my smiles. 20 years, and I am done with hiding who I am. I am done with you telling me how to be a good woman, and how to love a man. I am done with muffled voices of my prisoner heart. I am done with moving with your time, your wrongs and rights. I am a big girl,20 years, and I am going to live , starting from today.

 

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Another Day at Life

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Mornings must be full of life. Wake up and wash your face, they say. But getting ready for another day has become so tiring nowadays. I don’t want to get up. I want be lost in this blankness of sleep for a little longer, because sleeping lets you forget that as soon as you get up, you need to run.

I am a student. I am not in a hurry personally, if the world is sucked out of my mind, you’ll find me to be an extremely happy child, so full of life. But socially, I have to run to survive. When I was over with school, I had to gear up for college. When I got into college, I had  to go ahead of others and sit in placements, to reserve a place. Now, I am over with college. No, don’t stop yet, you cannot rest, they say again. I get on my toes, and get ready for another race.

But if you suck the world out of my mind, I’d rather read books, or go travelling beautiful places. I’d rather sit back and relax. I’d rather give away myself to all the things I missed out because of the senseless race. But the world is in my mind, and the voices are confusing,speaking all at once. I need to excel at something, otherwise they’ll laugh. Run!

Good mornings, aren’t really good, they force me to put my shoes on, and walk on the steps that aren’t even mine. What forces me? Oh! It is all so gloomy. I wish I could pull them all out of my mind, and step out of the race. I wish I could sit down, with a smile on my face while they all run about.

Nights aren’t good either. They are even more scarier, because I hear voices closer when the sun goes down. I wish they stop speaking, or at least whisper quietly. I don’t understand why they keep screaming. I wish nights were just about stars and moon, about going to sleep.
I wish stars weren’t directions, and moon not hung to conquer. I wish people lived more than they try to understand live. Because they do it all wrong, they make it all run!

I wish that smiles were real, and hopes were up. I wish waking up was a beautiful feeling. I wish every other day at life wasn’t as dim, and I wish we loved living.

The Wrong Time

“Maybe it was all for good. Maybe it was never meant to be”

There has to be some reason though. He loved her, he couldn’t have ruined her. As he walked down the road, he heard a voice calling for him.
“Sid!” But he didn’t want to turn back, because if he did, he wouldn’t be able return back to his present. The past was calling for him.

Soon, the voice grew impatient, and ran towards him, knocking the walls down. “Hey! How have you been?” They talked long, about everything and about nothing. An unusual tension wrapped them. What were they thinking, it isn’t right to let it go on. They must stop, stop talking but who’ll stop first? That has always been the question. The question never answered, nothing ever stopped.

He tried to draw back. She wasn’t his anymore. But he couldn’t, she was holding him. Her hands weren’t, her eyes were. They were speaking, as though if they stopped talking, they would lose something very real. Suddenly, the phone rang. It was his girlfriend.

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“I wish I hadn’t seen him, I wish I hadn’t ever known him.”

Even though she regretted knowing him, she couldn’t stop herself from calling his name when she saw him. How difficult can heart get sometimes, doing everything it shouldn’t do. But it was difficult, to see him and not talk to him. What else could she do when all her past was walking right across the street.

Good memories, they never leave you. They are so addictive that you can hardly resist tasting them again and again. What could she do if he was her only good memories. The long walks, endless talks, sarcastic comments, casual flirting, sense of understanding, blind trust and the falling in love.

Nothing was planned, but their going apart was. If she could ever erase something from her memory then it will be the day he told her to leave. Not directly, but she knew it, she had to go. So, she did.

Seeing him again was two feelings ; dying and living. By now, it was clear that he meant alot more, more than she thought. But she was helpless. She couldn’t tell him what she felt, she wouldn’t. How dangerous love can be for people who love at the wrong time. It could have been different, if she had realized it earlier. Now, love was not welocoming for her, it was dangerous, unfair.

He had clearly told her that they cannot talk anymore. It was something about his girlfriend.

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The phone was ringing still. He had to cut it thrice. He picked up as soon as Tia left. He was on the phone with her girlfriend, but his senses had left him 5 mins ago. He kept on talking, unaware of what was being said.

It was her mistake, she never understood the simplest thing. Everything else she could guess but not the most obvious thing. He was in love with her, for the first time he had loved someone so much. Maybe love is a dangerous thing when it happens at the wrong time. He always felt she wasn’t ready for anything, and not for him at least. How beaitiful it could have been, to be with her, to see her, talk to her, love her, kiss her, hold her. How beautiful it would have been to be with his best friend.

His thoughts wandered to Tia, more than he wanted to. It seemed as if he was spell bound by her simple beauty and honest smile. And her eyes, the most beautiful he had ever seen. She isn’t like any girl he knows, she is different.

Suddenly he realized the call was long ago disconnected. He redialed the number. His girlfriend cut the call again and again. He was confused, he was too lost to understand what was happening. The phone beeped, a message  said “Go die with her!”

Love is the most mysterious thing in this world. You think you have lost it, forever, to the wrong person, or the wrong time. But it surprises you with the way it can show up when the hopes are nil. It shows up when the time isn’t right or wrong but insane. It shows up when there is no hopes of seeing it again.

He had spoken her name at the wrong time, to the wrong person.